In this talk, Kiran speaks about the conversation nobody is having around sex. Recorded at the 2018 Science and Non-Duality conference in San Jose, CA.
In this conversation with Kiran Trace, recorded in 2016, she reviews her teachings of Delicious Yes, and how we can implement this to find fulfillment. She also speaks very vulnerably about sexual misconduct from her personal history, as well as the greater politics and what we can do to heal ourselves and our collective story.
We hope you enjoy this talk. Want more? Kiran’s classes include 1 hour dialogues every week, plus awareness practices and a community of international partners to help you with accountability towards your goals. Unprecedented liberation is possible. Check it out.
Lately, I have been passing on a little pointer to my students in private practice: I have been inviting them to keep a mantra each day that says, “Good enough!”
Good enough for this white ( black, asian, aboriginal, etc.) girl ( boy) who kinda thinks she’s all that!
We all have a good amount of “I’m not worthy” running us ragged every day. That belief is tucked down in the depths of our being, but up on the surface we have a lot of striving energy – usually striving to get it right, or more specifically, to get it perfect.
This “I’m not worthy” belief creates stories that hook us into a mad insanity. There are stories about how our actions are causing other people strife, otherwise known as guilt. And there are heavier stories about how our very being is harmful to others, otherwise known as shame. So, guilt and shame are both coming from our deep subconscious belief that we are in fact “not worthy,” and the surface activity of our lives is filled with striving so we can measure up to some semblance of perfection.Continue reading…
When we are in pain, suffering, and stuck against some vicious patterns, the grace in this is that we must act.
Finally, we have to risk change. Perhaps we dare to pray, or find other ways to ask for help. And then we find inspiration, insight, a teacher, a coach… life offers up a path. We find a path to peace that in some way makes sense to us. In some way, it speaks to us about transformation, aliveness, change. We can see the path we need to take to move forward.
Maybe – if we are really available, really ready – we will get precise, practical, step-by-step instructions. And we find there is a natural inspiration to follow those steps.
And then we take a step, and it feels good. We take another, and it feels really good. We run a little down the path, feel some spaciousness, some ease, something softer against our broken, wounded places. We are sure this is the way forward. We may even come off a little self-righteous in our certainty that this is the way forward.
I recently had a chance to sit down with Vanessa and Brooke, hosts of the Bliss + Grit podcast, for a much-needed deep inquiry into resistance – specifically, the impulse of suicide – and how that can captivate a person right out of all sanity.
I hope you enjoy the conversation, and learn how to support yourself better when resistance wants to fight for its survival!
Romantic relationships can be wonderful to experience, but they also have a way of putting us through hell. What makes them so painful? And how can we heal a relationship and find them less challenging?
Ultimately, I think most of the pain in romantic relationships comes from the battle of living with attachment to one’s painful deep wounds of trying to be someone worthy of love, versus just loving what is. We really run into problems when we sacrifice our authentic expression for the sake of not creating a rift with a loved one.
We feel a pressure inside ourselves — sometimes very low grade, sometimes very intense — to present ourselves as “easy,” “loving,” or exactly what our partner wants us to be, so we can be loved and not rejected. But the truth is that we cannot shape ourselves in a way that is uniformly awesome to our mates.
Understanding the Masculine-Feminine spectrum
We are all very different, and the old “Mars vs. Venus” challenges affect us all. We each inhabit a spot along the masculine-feminine spectrum. Sexual magnetism comes from the polarity between where you are on that spectrum and where your mate is. And your particular position on that spectrum defines the way you speak, think, and interact within a relationship.
In general, over on the masculine side of the spectrum, people tend to let their actions speak –– they are motor-skills based. Moving around space is their basic fluency, and therefore action speaks volumes to them. But over on the feminine side of the spectrum, people are relationship-based. Their fluency is in reading all that a person communicates, regardless of the conscious or unconscious nature of the communication.Continue reading…
What do you really want to do with your life? And what’s the secret on how to start truly living your purpose?
At some point in our lives, we all wonder what we’re doing here. Growing up, most of us feel like we’re supposed to find some deep calling within us. A passion-career that will automatically lead us to be successful, happy adults.
But as adults, most of us still struggle with this same conundrum. So let’s take a closer look.
Being and next action
In mindfulness practices, there is an experience called Being: having your senses connected to the present moment. There is an ease in the simplicity of being focused on those senses, instead of all the mental thoughts or swirling emotions. And when you are really sensing the present moment, you can easily feel a directional pull towards the next action for you to take.
This direction for your next action feels effortless. Even less effort than the directional pull of the mind ordering –– “I should do the dishes, or get to those emails” because the mind’s direction has so much force in comparison to this more sweet and effortless pull of the present moment.
There’s a recent article in the New York Times titled Let’s Ban Porn, which reminds me of the Oscar Wilde quote:
There is no such thing as moral or immoral books. There are well written or badly written, that is all.”
I came of age in a feminist community in the far northern regions of Canada. We rejoiced in sexual freedoms, and I learned that it was important to take politics out of the bedroom to be truly free. I learned that I needed to own my sexual desires and that I was responsible for knowing what turned me on and what turned me off. I was handed a copy of Betty Dobson’s Sex for One at 21 years old, which ushered in a deep inhabiting of my sexuality, as it has done for countless women since it was first published. I read books like Cunt, and The Vagina Coloring Book. And I was, and still am, a disciple of Annie Sprinkle—the prostitute turned porn star turned performance artist—who is a queen of sexual consent and liberation. These influences taught me that pleasure was my responsibility.
And porn has played a part in that. But it was well-crafted porn, like really good erotic fiction, poetry, and film making. These were educational tools, places to be exposed to human bodies and various desires and tastes, and to discover what a turn-on was. But I have since realized mine was a rarefied education.
Awhile back, I wrote about what happens when your sense of ambition fades away: when your ego, that desperate “TO DO” voice in your head no longer has any influence on you. It’s a common experience for many on the path. It sounds blissful, but in reality it can be uncomfortable when your personal will fades out and there is very little motivation to “do” anything. It’s weird and a little unsteady.
Well, today I had an inspiring conversation with a friend. He is in a deep egoless place, and yet is profoundly affected by something deep inside, passionately wanting expression.
He was sharing with me that when he hangs out in the non-dual/spiritual crowd, everyone seems to summarize this drive, or “purpose”, as something purely egoic, and they kind of shut the conversation down there. I think a lot of non-dual teachers disengage from the conversation around purpose in order to drive home the very delicate and necessary teaching of no separate self. I understand the need for this, because separate self or ego can be so subtle, and seeking purpose from there will always come to a dead end. Ego’s drive is never going to lead one to peace, so these teachers tend to keep the message about purpose simple. And from this reference point, it’s not something that needs a lot of focus; it just fades out and then kind of finds a more natural expression.
So I’ve been getting these little notes lately, about a spiritual teacher who is accused of creating a cult-like environment for their students. People who are clearly on the path of conscious spiritual awakening are sending me links to articles about this and want to know what I think…
And the first thing I notice is that in every field the world over—whether it be political activism, engineering, high-tech business, self-help gurus, or spiritual counseling—there will be extremism, and there will be cult-like behavior. And I will define “cult” as authoritarian leadership with a subservient community that is non-consensual and forced to remain in community. Bad business the world over—not unique, not original.
And in exposing the truth, invariability we run into witch-hunting territory. Because, as often as there is extremism in communities, there will always be as many people “crying wolf,” as the saying goes. Like most of you, I am pretty wary of witch hunting. Sadly, humans always do it; we love to project injustice from our personal fear. A personal painbody feels injustice, and that painbody starts publicly calling out. But how do we discern if real injustice has been perpetrated by the accused?Continue reading…