If it’s all glory and bliss, why do I feel like crap?

Posted by Kiran in , ,


A couple of weeks ago on the blog I talked about distortion, and how dangerous it can be. In that post, there was another obvious point that I want to focus on today.

In that post I was referencing an article that was trying to give expression to an experience I think most of us are familiar with: an experience of being underwhelmed with life. Things that used to be appealing, aren’t, but in a scary way because we know they shouldn’t feel so dead. Things like romance, or loving our children, or feeling devoted in our spiritual search, or desiring to heal, or even just hoping for a better life… they just don’t have the juice. It gets rather scary when these things that make up the motivation for our lives loose their appeal and we feel like, “Why bother?”

In times like this, it’s really easy to think it’s true—because nothing feels appealing—that life has lost its allure for you. But, luckily, that is not true; it is not really what is happening. These things are losing their appeal because you have a low-grade painbody that has been triggered somehow. Meaning, something has triggered your system, and an old wound has been activated. Once activated, resistance steps in and works its magic to disconnects you, and numbs you out.

So, quick refresher on painbody: it is fundamentally fear—sometimes obvious, often times very subtle—that is in your physical body (not just your head) and is guarding your deeply wounded places. Fear has these traceable movements in how it guards your wounds; mostly the movement is to disconnect you in some way so you won’t feel them. But then you don’t feel much of anything. Darn that override of fear! (For more insight check out my free book.)

So, we all have wounds buried in our bodies. And each of these wounds, although guarded by fear, get triggered by the day to day events.  How you can tell you are triggered? Well, it’s a feeling that nothing is very juicy or alive. It’s a profound lack of interest: things feel empty and without their allure. For some of you, this might feel like a description of your whole life! Luckily, it’s just painbody in action.

What is true about life is that it is alive. There is a pulsating life force under there, very visible to senses. The more connected we are to ourselves, the more connected we are to the world. And the more we are connected, the more that life force is noticeable. My experience, and the general consensus, is that this will inspire an extraordinary awe, and love, and appreciation, no matter what we are connected to. And the more we awaken to our senses, the more sensitive we become, the more those connections effect us, etc, etc.

I remember this one time when I was sitting with a friend at a restaurant, noticing a simple salt shaker on the table. Even though we were right on the beach, with this glorious sunset blazing down on us, it was this simple shaker that was bringing me to tears. Yup, salt, so freaking amazing. Everything, and I mean everything, is made of actual life force, and that is noticeable. When noticed, it can/will put you on your knees. For me, at that moment, it was radiating out as the wonder of salt, and their various containers.

I’m not suggesting it’s super-functional to fall on your knees and weep at everything, but I’m saying the more connected you are, the more it feels like that. And this is especially so for things like your sweet, beautiful body, the act of romance, the movements of your children, conversations about the true meaning of life, devotion to god/source/creator, and so on.

Sunshine on our shoulders always makes us high. Unless we are numb, unless we are somewhat disconnected. And the one and only reason that happens is because of painbody.

And I’m pretty sure that if you get really honest with yourself, you will see and sense the trigger. Track back to something that disturbed you. Maybe it was obvious: a heartbreak, a loved one dying. Maybe it was very, very subtle: a passing thought that you will never have what you desire and long for. Or a quiet idea that sneaks in, whispering that things are never going to change and you will be stuck forever. Or maybe just a random voice suddenly screaming in your head, “You failure!” Any of these can be the trigger.

So, bottom line: if the sunshine is not making you high…..there is a painbody surfacing that could use some support.

Need some tools for support?? Check out my first book: Tools for Sanity, or if you think you need something more personal, join us for the upcoming workshop or online class starting in January!

Schirra Reflects

View of Turkey from the ISS Cupola

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