We all have loads of “shoulds” cramping us up. What we “should” be doing is actually a deep setup, created by a lot of ingrained beliefs.
These beliefs really work us over in the subconscious depths of our system, because what is pulling the strings behind those “shoulds” is a big primal-survival grip of fear—which, if you took a moment to check it out, would feel like a deep gut clench.
Ever since you first opened your eyes on this planet, you have never been separate from support. The very breath in your body is proof that you are not fighting for life. The oxygen constantly surrounding you is proof that you are supported.
So I’m going to invite you to practice with me. Only in practice can you see for yourself the clarity and ease possible for you. By making decisions from your bodily sensations of delicious, you are putting yourself in alignment with the animating source of your body and being.
It’s good to start slow. Instead of working with every decision you make in a day, let’s just start with 2 or 3 decisions in a given day – times when you find yourself faced with a choice or thinking, what should I do now?
Step 1: Get out of your head
First, I want you to pause for a moment and get into your body.
If you are an expert at getting out of your head and into your body, this usually takes 3-5 minutes. Just feel your feet, feel your hands, feel your breath, feel all the sensations below your head… this is what it means to “be in your body.”
If this is new to you, I’ve recorded a short guided meditation that will quickly get you out of your head and into your body. Practice with this meditation for awhile until you’re able to really be in your body.
Once you’re out of your head, it’s time for Step 2.
Step 2: Parade the options
What do you really want? In order to discover this, you will need to review the options. The trick here is to imagine the sensation of the activity. What would feel totally delicious?
You might need to parade 3+ totally unrelated options to really feel it. For example, your options might include:
a) hanging out with friends,
b) reading a book on the couch, and
c) going on a big hike.
As you parade each option to yourself, feel into whether it feels delicious or depleting. As you do this, more ideas may come to you. For example, maybe hanging with friends feels like too much effort, and you want to be outside… but you’re not sure about a big hike.
Well, what are other options for spending time outside?
Consider activities you love—running on a nearby trail for an hour, laying on the deck and watching the clouds float by, going on a gentle bike ride—until you find something that feels delicious; a “yes” in your body.
Note: These options need to be activities that you could easily do in this moment. Don’t think about walking on a beach in Jamaica… unless you are driving distance from a beach in Jamaica.
Step 3: DON’T do it
That’s right. Don’t pressurize yourself to do this delicious activity.
This is the most IMPORTANT step right now. Seriously!
Sure, if the delicious option is totally easy and there’s no apparent conflicts, go for it. But if you planned to pick up the kids in 20 minutes, or have to help a friend, or need to plan dinner soon, these obligations and responsibilities are going to block you from finding the TRUE delicious direction for you.
Trust me on this one.
Just identify the delicious activity, then go on with your original plans. For now, the real practice is to become an expert at simply identifying where deliciousness is at play.
Now go practice the Delicious Yes Cheat Sheet
Take a few days to play with this. When you catch yourself wondering what to do next, follow all three steps here and get awesome at identifying. If you really do this, you can get really precise and dialed in about what would be delicious to you. And it’s worth mentioning this again: if you feel any pressure to actualize it, you will not get very dialed in.
When it’s dialed in, you’ll know.
Here’s an example: you identified that it was delicious to sit with your feet up and read for a little bit.
BUT it was almost time to pick up the kids so you got in the car instead. Here’s what happened:
- When you picked up the kids, they told you they were trying to call because they wanted to play longer and hoped you would have picked them up an hour later, or the other parent was interested in dropping the kids off a little later than planned.
- The traffic was nuts and you got totally stuck at the bank because you had planned to try throwing an errand in the mix.
In hindsight, what you identified as delicious would have worked out better for everyone involved. Even the people in the bank!
In teaching this important skill to thousands of people worldwide, I’ve realized that to get really good at it, you need to just IDENTIFY for a few days, without actualizing it. This will help you harvest a lot of hindsight. And that hindsight will come in very handy when dealing with the heaviest of your resistance down the line.
- If you can’t identify a delicious option very well, and it gets foggy or blank, that is because you are not in your body. And that is really simple to fix. Just go back and practice getting out of your head.
- If you can easily identify a delicious option but don’t get any real hindsight later, or don’t really notice how it would have been a better option for everyone, then it is likely that you are not really getting the delicious dialed in. Your head is getting involved in this process and overriding the true delicious of your bodily sensations.
Romantic relationships can be wonderful to experience, but they also have a way of putting us through hell. What makes them so painful? And how…
My goodness, I could talk about boundaries all day and still not cover it all! I don’t play around with any spiritual ideas about boundaries…