Anger
Rage has been my good friend and teacher, an amazing force in my life. That power, such awesome power, has been a wonderful guide.
We live in a culture that fears anger, and is fully repulsed by rage. And perhaps that might be an acceptable defense mechanism. We all have experienced anger and rage misused (i.e. repressed), and yup, it can be a highly uncomfortable force. Repression of anger creates an underground turbulence, kind of like living near an earthquake fault line, with constant trembles threatening to erupt, hinting at a massive explosion. And because repression is ultimately futile, it will reach a limit, and then add even more force to the explosion of anger when it finally releases.
And repression is still the major operating force here in our culture, especially of anger and rage.
Our culture is wrought with layers and layers of expected behavior, and our automatic movement to repress our anger and rage can be invisible. We have even built a whole spiritual ideal that defines anger as wrong, problematic, and unnecessary. I often bump up against the argument that a mature spiritual life means never having to experience anger or rage; that anger can, and should, be replaced with a more mindful, or patient, or meditative state. The argument is that any of these “better” qualities can replace the “base” emotion of anger, and be a shining example of one’s supreme spiritual evolution!
And this is tragic, really. From my point of view, it’s so, so, sad. Because anger and rage are magnificent teachers. Anger is a force of immense power. It shows us where and how our authentic rhythm is being manipulated. It’s a moral compass like none other…and shows up when our authenticity is being abandoned, when our natural boundaries are being crossed. It blazes when there is a force of harm moving against our person-hood. It’s often home to our “No!”, which is as essential as our “Yes!”. Anger is power, is voice, is profound clarity, and is agency.
But we don’t often get this amazing teaching, because anger is so habitually repressed and avoided. And, repressed anger becomes wildly distorted and loses all its magnificence and value. It explodes inappropriately, raining harm and sometimes violence. It creates illness in the body, and illness in our families. It creates impasses to intimacy, and fairly regretful behavior. And it creates that inertia you may feel, that lack of motivation or vital aliveness, that depression, numbness, and disconnection. We are rightly afraid of repressed anger.
The habit of repression is so constant, with such societal pressure, such profound judgment and shaming and humiliation placed on anger. And there is an internal damnation consistently doing the same, shaming and humiliating. From where I am standing, this behavior creates such unnecessary harm.
But thankfully, this can be easily shifted. Because anger and rage are so powerful, they can be loosened from repression fairly easily, and become master teachers of power, clarity, and agency in our lives.
So, I guess I might also point out: Anger is usually private…it’s personal. It’s not always appropriate to share it with your family or community. It’s something that you can move with into a room of your own, or outside away from others. And then it can be beautifully expressed in a pillow, in a fit of tears, in a journal, in a tearing apart of a stack of paper, in a long run along the shoreline, or in the forest. Or my personal favorite, buy a set of very inexpensive dishes from the thrift store. Yah, baby! You know what I am saying, that shattering is awesome! (Too scary? Drop by my house one day when I have smashed all the dishes to teach my friend that anger is not going to kill anyone, and you will see that it can be a really fun time!)
Repressed anger can’t be very easily handled. It’s the very pressure of repression that creates such an uncontrollable explosion, and those explosions, as we all know so very well, are wild and bullet-like. And I am sure you have been properly shamed for any such explosions you may have had, and I am sure you have properly shamed others for the same. So I want to offer you an apology on behalf of all of the world’s citizens, for asking you to shame your family and neighbors when they are in a fit of rage, and for your own need to repress your anger, which has initiated such a toxic internal environment for you, and an perhaps an overly explosive relationship to anyone in its path. I am sorry, I am so sorry this collective insanity has stolen your god-given right to this glorious force of nature, to your own glorious voice, agency, clarity, and power.
I am also offering you an opportunity to declare your body and person-hood a safe zone, a repression- free zone for anger, and if you’re up for the challenge… rage. I want to suggest that you could make a personal commitment to no longer repress this beautiful force, and go ahead and set up your world as a safe harbor for anger. This may include getting a punching bag set up in the basement, telling the family a “safe word”…and when you say it, you’ll be heading to the basement for a little exercise…and yay, maybe there is an old set of dishes down there too! This will help release the habitual repression, releasing anger from its buried hold, and allow you more fluent access to your beautiful NO! And it will begin to shake up that inertia and numbness, and start to give that depression a lift.
And then, when it shows up while you’re driving, or when your child has just pushed your buttons, or a neighbor or boss, or banker, or politician has just crossed a moral boundary with you…you will not be pressured to repress your authentic response, but instead be available for your own perfect no, your own voice and your own agency. Perhaps you may choose to step aside, and let it, your glorious anger, express in a private space while you honor its power, and listen for the clarity and agency. Regardless, I highly recommend that you let it speak to you, clarifying for you a pathway of how you authentically need to move forward. Because you’re available to listen, you might notice that path that the anger has illuminated is guiding you towards more harmony and personal right action in the world. ( See: Jesus and famous fit of rage with the money changers in front of the temple!)
So, when you drive down the road and see me parked off to the side, screaming into the sky, you will know that I love my rage and I love all the amazing ways its leads me to clarity. And I tell all the haters to step back from the spiritual supremacy story that there is no need for such things as anger and rage, because this power will not be judged on my watch…
This post on anger is really valuable to me. I am a little bit confused on how someone with no personal will gets angry or in a rage. Could you use some concrete examples from your life sometime?
Obviously once the angry feeling arises it is only healed by acceptance, allowing, tenderness. I have gotten annoyed when my wife buys my 5 year old grandson junk food ice cream for $2. Luckily he has the good sense to take a few licks and toss it out the car window [when it doesn't get all over the cars carpet].
I've tried to negotiate this, persuade, and even force my health opinions on them unsuccessfully. Finally I am left with just annoyance and letting that be ok. Theoretically I could let go of the judgement that my opinion is right on this [it is], but that seems like to big of a stretch unless I play mind games with myself.
I do know that when I am extremely happy it is the kind of thing I hardly notice, but when a few of those type of things have piled up it seems to loom large.
Steven, I agree with Kiran on this one. There is healthy – biological anger, and there is ridiculous and useless psychological anger coming from the conditioning.
Biological anger arises automatically in your body and it is just a protective mechanism that every living organism has in some form or another. For example – if someone, let's take for example some meditation teacher, told me that biological anger is wrong and I should observe it and supress it and detach myself from it, I'd feel very strong Fuck YOU inside and I'd probably told him to go fuck himself, for that it something natural and absolutely fine as Kiran demonstrated very well in the article.
As Cesar Teruel puts it – if the anger comes from the fact that the color of your shoes doesn't match with the color of your jacket, that's a psychological useless anger.
Sy I agree about the biological anger thing. Maybe it is because after a lifetime of being socially brainwashed and socially brainwashing back, when I hear an untruth, especially when new to this 'perspective' I roar and fuck like a lion. LOL The more at ease I am getting with this new thingy….the more I can be a lamb and it runs off me like water off a duck – until it doesn't. :))
And yes, it only seems to roar over 'defending' a 'new truth' …just until it grows. xox
HI Sly,
I wouldn't usually consider much about us to be "useless". There is actually tremendous intelligence about us. Not to the mind perhaps…but when we tune into ourselves with a willingness to see how amazing we truly are..it gets discovered that which may have felt like "useless psychological anger" is actually a very essential call out of pain.
Sending you much love,
Kiran
Hi Steven,
Thanks for the note..I would suggest that the anger over say"ice cream", is systemic of some bigger repressed pain in your system. And being able to vent the bigger, older, pain, will help you to have less force on the "ice cream" issue. In the article I suggest a few things to help release the old pain from the system, punching bag, etc. But also, I would say you need to hear your anger about the "ice cream" and listen to clarify what its asking of you..and how you need to move forward. Perhaps its a conversation with your wife, saying you can't be responsible for feeding the grandson junk, and she is 100% welcome to do it, but only when your not around, but if your in the car, healthier choices need to be made." Etc. You get what I am saying…You can stand in your truth and allow others to have theirs, it just takes a little creativity.
Much Love,
K
You really said the right thing at the right time with this Kiran. Maybe we all do but that was really appreciated. 🙂
Kiran:
1.Do our repressed negative feelings somehow get buried in our psyche and need to be felt to be released?
Or,
2. could it be that we could [theoretically] just drop all our beliefs in a moment and be healed of all of our past right then without feeling any of the repressed hurts?
In other words is it really necessary to feel buried pain if you are able to just deal with the belief? I understand most people would not be able to do that but I am talking about what is possible. I'm thinking someone like Eckhart Tolle just let go of all crazy beliefs in one go. I'm also wondering if someone like Byron Katie is encouraging people to bypass their feelings by dealing mainly with their beliefs. My wife had a bit of a revelation tonight that perhaps experiencing her repressed childhood pain was not as necessary as she thought. It is only the belief of being unloveable that keeps it coming up.
Hello Steven, for me, in my experience, it can happen either way. If there is a lot of negative beliefs and feelings from perceived hurts, it can take a volcano to start to release – well like I did. But the more you trust the process and know all is perfect, even the 'crazy' wobbley's, it all serves a greater purpose. Then with acceptance, allowing and a big FAT YES, as Kiran says, allows a more gentle subtle release, until ….maybe no more….who knows…..
Steven,
This is not the best forum for personal questions because you will get feedback from others, that you may not want. Or maybe you do…I leave it up to you.
Its a bit hard to answer such a big question in a "reply". But let me try…
Buried pain has 3 layers…the mental ( beliefs) the emotional ( feeling) and physical ( twisted knot in the solar plex, etc)
At the mental layer…inquiry..like Byron Katie, or Adya, or my "common sense" approach will give relief. But will not transform the pain completely, usually. Because its embedded in the body. Eckhart Tolle did not let go of all the crazy beliefs in one go. Neither did Byron Katie…it took a few years…and it took the stillness of their true nature to unwind the pain throughout the whole system.
Does it need to be felt to be released? Not at the emotional layer…and not re experienced emotionally to heal. But it does need to be touched at the physical layer to unwind.
Some support tools I offer…
The meditation: Alchemy is a support of this. Also the blog post: Karma busting 101 is an explanation, and chapter 3 in the book, Tools for Sanity, is devoted to this.
Hope this gives some clarity
Much Love,
K
Hi Kiran. Love love love….your book and journey. I so resonate with what's in your book that we could be sisters! lol Hey one part of your book that is coming to mind it……."Karmic load…..Sometimes you just can't catch the suffering until it's in midstream and you are about to punch out the man in the parking lot [or in the queue of traffic behind you, who won't stop blowing the horn at you, and of course 'he should'! lol ]for taking your spot. Okay, so that too can happen. And it's very painful. It's a strange and awkward thing we humans have going on." Woo hoo! But as you say, it can be joyous or inspiring if we see it ……I am just looking at how I fall into the seperation – field of death, by believing the lie……"I AM" unlovable. Doh. Thank you for your stuff! I love it and your particular expression of it. Love Marina xox
LOL! sweet.
XK