The stillness, the spaciousness….
That day about 7 years ago, when I “woke up”, what it actually felt like, was that my mind blew a fuse. It got really quiet. And things that, until that exact moment, had shape and meaning, became space, empty space. Instead of seeing the wall of my bedroom, all I could see was a choice. I could only see a choice to see all this space as a wall.I could see a deep collective history of choice that this particular space will be seen as “wall”.
I literally became primarily identified as the vast space that is every thing’s essence. Space became my foreground, and still is, so many years later. The filter that turns that space into forms, like walls and such, was not in operation. My mind blew a fuse. No better way to know what exactly “mind” is than to have it suddenly shut off. Without the filter of the mind…space. All space. But the space has movement. The movement feels like love. Is love. At the quantum level, love is what is created when space, the source of all forms, moves.
And love too has movement, that movement becomes what we feel and know as form. All the forms of our universe from human atoms to the galaxy’s. And also, curiously, all this space can be aware of itself. There is not something that is aware of space, there is only space, aware of space. Nothing separate from itself, the heart of all forms only noticing the heart itself. Space is aware. Weird.
My experience of being “awake” simply means awareness is primarily aware of itself first, and identifies as form in a very distant second. Odd. For some time,all the forms that are shaped out of space were very much in the background and could hardly be seen distinctive from the space, but we don’t need to get into that just yet…No need to blow the mind all at once. Cuz I’ve been there, done that and its not terribly comfortable.
One could say: “The boundary condition of the universe is that it has no boundary.” The universe would be completely self-contained and not affected by anything outside itself. It would neither be created nor destroyed. It would just BE. -Stephen Hawking, A Brief History of Time Ch 8.