Romantic relationships can be wonderful to experience, but they also have a way of putting us through hell. What makes them so painful? And how can we find them less challenging?
Ultimately, I think most of the pain in romantic relationships comes from the battle of living with attachment to one’s painful deep wounds of trying to be someone worthy of love, versus just loving what is. We really run into problems when we sacrifice our authentic expression for the sake of not creating a rift with a loved one. We feel a pressure inside ourselves — sometimes very low grade, sometimes very intense — to present ourselves as “easy,” “loving,” or what our partner wants us to be, so we can be loved and not rejected. But the truth is that we cannot shape ourselves in a way that is uniformly awesome to our mates.
We are all very different, and the old “Mars vs Venus” challenges affect us all. We each inhabit a spot on masculine-feminine spectrum, and sexual magnetism comes from the polarity between where you are on that spectrum and where your mate is. And your particular position on that spectrum defines a way you speak, think, and interact within a relationship.
In general, over on the masculine side of the spectrum, people tend to let their actions speak — they are motor-skills based. Moving around space is their basic fluency, and therefore action speaks volumes to them. But over on the feminine side of the spectrum, people are relationship-based. Their fluency is reading all that a person is communicating, regardless of whether it is being communicated consciously or unconsciously.Continue reading…